American Evangelion
by Evangelion Xgouki
Summary: *Complete* Evangelion airs on Toonami's Giant Robot Week. The Eva cast decides to watch it...
1. Episode 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or anything associated with it (sadly...). Nor do I own Toonami or any of its affiliations. Also, I never saw the two episodes of Evangelion that were aired on Toonami on February 24 and 25, 2003 (thank goodness...). This is based on watching the dubbed version of the DVDs as well as notes on what was edited from the show which are listed at www.animenewsnetwork.com.**  
  
Tokyo 3, the stronghold for humanity, the fortress city. Below its seemingly normal streets lies the true defense against humanity's threat: NERV. Inside its walls work the best crew the world has to offer, for on their shoulders lies the fate of humanity...  
  
The feeling on the command bridge is one of calmness. Many prefer it this way than to when an Angel attacks and all hell breaks lose. The three bridge bunnies sit at their consoles, monitoring the city and the surrounding area for any threats...kind of.  
  
Shigeru: Man, I'm bored! There's nothing to do!!  
  
Hyuga: You said it...  
  
Maya: I hate to admit it, but I have to agree with you two.  
  
Shigeru: I wish something, anything, would happen!  
  
As if his wish was granted, the Operations Director Major Misato Katsuragi bursts into the bridge, startling everybody.  
  
Misato: I have great news! You would never guess what I just heard!  
  
Bridge bunnies: What?  
  
Misato: They're gonna show the first two episodes of Evangelion on Toonami as part of their Giant Robot Week!!  
  
The bridge bunnies stare at Misato with pure excitement.  
  
Shigeru: You mean...we're gonna be shown all around the United States?  
  
Misato: *grinning* You got it!  
  
The trio turns to face each other, each with a huge grin on their faces.  
  
Bridge bunnies: We're gonna be famous!!  
  
The group starts to happily dance around the bridge.  
  
The day soon arrives with everybody very excited. The main group piles into one of the briefing rooms, which had been temporarily transformed for the special event. Inside the room sits Asuka, Rei, Shinji, Misato, Ritsuko, Kaji, the bridge bunnies, Fuyutsuki, and even Gendo.  
  
Fuyutsuki: So, you showed up after all?  
  
Gendo: Yes.  
  
Fuyutsuki turns his attention back towards the white screen, a small smirk on his face.  
  
Asuka: I can't believe we actually got to skip school for this! This is so cool!  
  
Shinji: Yeah...  
  
Asuka: You don't seem very excited about it, Third Child.  
  
Shinji: Er...  
  
Misato: Quiet down you two. It's about to start.  
  
Silence fills the room as the lights dim and the screen comes to life. On the screen, a blue, humanoid figure sits in a chair on what appears to be a starship. He presses a button on his armrest and the scene changes to the holographic display in front of him. It zooms in on a blank screen and then everything goes black. The scene changes to the start of the first episode.  
  
Hyuga: What happened to the opening?  
  
Shigeru: Maybe they cut it out. You know those Americans and the public TV laws.  
  
On the screen, it shows Shinji hanging up the phone and walking through the deserted streets.  
  
Asuka: mph! Shinji, you sound so...*giggle*  
  
Shinji: *sighs* damn dubbing...  
  
The episode continues on, with each person in the room complaining about their 'new' voices.  
  
Misato: That doesn't sound a thing like me! Who choice it, a tone-deaf monkey?!  
  
Ritsuko: Maybe I should have to MAGI mail-bomb the voice caster...  
  
Bridge bunnies: ...ugh...  
  
Rei: ...  
  
Fuyutsuki: They make me sound old...  
  
Gendo: I do not sound like a cold-hearted, manipulative bastard. They shall pay dearly for this...  
  
**The horror continues in Chapter 2!!! 


	2. Episode 2

The group gathers the next day in the viewing room, the excitement almost dead after watching yesterday's episode.  
  
Misato: That was just horrible...  
  
Ritsuko: It wasn't that bad. I mean, they can't do any worse, can they?  
  
Before Misato can answer, the lights in the room dim, announcing the start of the show. Silence once again falls upon the room. The show opens, minus the opening, with Unit 01 slumped against a building.  
  
Maya: Wait a sec, wasn't there suppose to be blood?  
  
Shigeru: Yeah, you're right...  
  
The show continues on to when Misato decides to take Shinji in.  
  
Misato: What happened to the other part?  
  
Ritsuko: You mean where you say that you won't 'make any passes' on Shinji?  
  
Misato: Yeah, that's it.  
  
Unknown to the two women, Shinji had heard their little conversation, along with Asuka and Rei, who were both giving him strange looks. At that time, Shinji decided to try and blend into his chair.  
  
The show continues on to where Misato and Shinji are driving to her apartment.  
  
Misato: Something doesn't seem right...  
  
Ritsuko: Yeah, something seems to be missing...  
  
Kaji: I agree, but I just can't place my finger on it...  
  
On the screen, Shinji and Misato enter the apartment.  
  
Misato: Those bastards!  
  
Kaji: Huh?  
  
Misato: They edited out all of my Yebisu beer!!  
  
Ritsuko and Kaji both glance at the screen.  
  
Kaji: Yeah, you're right.  
  
Misato: Heads will roll!!  
  
Kaji slowly cowers away from the EXTREMELY pissed Misato.  
  
The show continues, with Misato mumbling about them 'taking out all of the good parts,' some of which Kaji definitely agreed to. For that, he got a nice backhand from Misato.  
  
Shinji: 'They took out those scenes. Thank you...'  
  
Shinji relaxes in his seat, a wave of relief washing over him. Elsewhere in the room, someone else wasn't so happy.  
  
Pen-Pen: Wark?! Wark wrak wrrrrk! (What?! Those bastards took me out of the episode!)  
  
Pen-Pen makes a mental note to send a VERY long letter to whoever dare remove him from the episode.  
  
Soon, the episode ends, as well as the special showing session. The group exits the room, each with a dark cloud above their heads, except for Asuka, who was trying not to laugh at Shinji. Each person went their own separate ways to initiate their revenge against the ones who edited the episodes.  
  
In the cages, Unit 01 had patched itself into the communication system so it could watch it American premiere. Needless to say, it was NOT happy.  
  
Unit 01: 'They took out the best part of the fight! I mean, what's wrong with me playing with the Angel a bit before I kill it? Breaking its arms and tearing its chest apart isn't that bad! Wait until I get my hands on those...'  
  
If anyone had been in the cage, they would have heard a low growl coming from the Eva and its eyes glowing a menacing red for a moment before returning to its deactivated state.  
  
**What's the Eva crew planning? Check it out in the next chapter!! 


	3. Revenge

The next day, hell began for a certain group of people in North America. At the same time, sinister laugher could be heard coming from several rooms in NERV, two rooms and a refrigerator in one apartment complex, and another from a broken down apartment.  
  
In one particular room, Gendo Ikari sat at his desk in his usual position, staring at a screen in front of him.  
  
Gendo: No one screws up my voice and gets away with it.  
  
On the screen, Unit 01 could be seen rampaging through a certain area in North America.  
  
Gendo: ...and my wife's fights scenes. And they thought I was evil...  
  
Unknown to Gendo, who rarely didn't know everything, the workers at the certain location were having more problems than a raging Unit 01.  
  
Supervisor: What the hell is going on around here?!  
  
Worker 1: I don't know, sir! Everything is just mass chaos!!  
  
Supervisor: Why is there a giant...purple thing tearing up the cars outside?!  
  
Worker 1: I don't know. If I were to say something, I would say it was an Eva...Unit 01 to be exact.  
  
Supervisor: What do...  
  
He is cut off as an explosion echoes through the building.  
  
Supervisor: What was THAT?!  
  
Worker 1: It sounded like it came from the computer center.  
  
The Supervisor rushes down to the computer center, only to see a cloud of black smoke pouring out from the door. He rushes inside.  
  
Supervisor: What the...? What happened here?  
  
Worker 2: *dusts himself off as he stands up from the floor* I don't know! The computers just began to...  
  
He is cut off as one of the computers suddenly starts to make strange noises, and then explodes.  
  
Worker 2: ...explode...  
  
Supervisor: Why are they exploding?!  
  
Worker 2: As far as I can tell, something is access our systems and overloading them big time.  
  
Supervisor: Well, cut them off!!  
  
Worker 2: As I said, I'm just guessing. I can't find anything accessing our computers. It's as if the computers are just doing it themselves!  
  
Supervisor: I don't care how you do it, just stop the computers from exploding!!  
  
The Supervisor exits the room. As he turns a corner, he can hear another computer explode behind him.  
  
Supervisor: Where are the other workers?!  
  
Worker 3: They're all sick, sir.  
  
Supervisor: Sick? All of them!?  
  
Worker 3: Yeah. They all got sick after eating that large gift of food we got this morning.  
  
Supervisor: You mean it was all poisoned?!  
  
Worker 3: Yes.  
  
Supervisor: What did they come down with?  
  
Worker 3: It varies. People came down with diarrhea, headaches, fevers, migraines, cramps, constant urination, blurry vision, ringing ears, constipation, numbness in one or more limbs...  
  
Supervisor: I get the idea...  
  
He walks off.  
  
Worker 4: Sir!  
  
Supervisor: What is it?  
  
Worker 4: You have to see it for yourself.  
  
He walks over to the computer the worker is sitting at.  
  
Worker 4: Look at the screen.  
  
The Supervisor looks over at the monitor. His eyes almost fall out of his head.  
  
Supervisor: What are THOSE?!!  
  
On the screen, a SD Unit 00 is stabbing at a desktop shortcut icon with its Progressive Knife.  
  
Worker 4: I think it's a virus.  
  
Supervisor: What kind of virus is THAT?! And what happened there?  
  
He points to a black blotch on the monitor just below the icon the SD Unit 00 was turning into Swiss cheese.  
  
Worker 4: That was the icon that it blasted with a Positron Rifle earlier.  
  
Supervisor: This CAN'T be happening...  
  
Worker 4: And then there's this.  
  
The Supervisor looks at another monitor. Several SD Pen-Pens are running around the screen, leaving black footprints as they scurry across the screen in random directions.  
  
Supervisor: Another virus...?  
  
Worker 4: Yup.  
  
Supervisor: I don't care what you do, just fix it!  
  
He leaves the worker, rubbing his forehead as his headache gets worse.  
  
Supervisor: It can't get any worse...  
  
Worker 5: Sir!  
  
Supervisor: Damn it all... What?  
  
Worker 5: Sir, our E-Mail systems are crashing!!  
  
Supervisor: WHAT?!!!  
  
Worker 5: The system can't handle the amount of E-Mails being sent to us!  
  
Supervisor: Don't we have the most sophisticated and largest E-Mail system around?  
  
Worker 5: Yes, but it can't handle this. We're getting over a million E- Mails a second! Some of the circuit boards have already melted under the stress.  
  
Supervisor: How is that possible?  
  
Worker 5: I don't know! No one should be able to mail-bomb this fast, even with the latest programs out there.  
  
Supervisor: I don't care what you do, just fix it!  
  
He rushes out of the room and into his office, slamming the door shut behind him. With a sigh, he slumps in his chair.  
  
Supervisor: Who could be doing all of this?!  
  
A large clatter interrupts him. He rushes to his window and looks outside, only to fall over backwards in shock. Outside, hundreds of empty Yebisu beer cars surround the building.  
  
Supervisor: What did I do to deserve this?!!  
  
Elsewhere, the bridge bunnies glance around before checking on their hidden 'Project Overload' program running on the MAGI.  
  
In her office, Ritsuko sips her coffee as her custom mail-bombing program continues its work, via the MAGI, of course.  
  
Misato leans back in her chair at her desk. The monitor in front of her shows an aerial view of a certain building in North America, surrounded by Yebisu beer.  
  
Misato: Edit out my beer, will you? Hope you guys recycle.  
  
At another console, a small, sinister grin can be seen on Rei as she watches her little Unit 00 continue to devour the computer systems. An anti-virus program attempts to stop it, taking the form of a missile, only to be stopped and destroyed by her programs 'AT Field.'  
  
Rei: Revenge is sweet.  
  
At the Katsuragi apartment, a certain penguin sits back with a can of Yebisu beer as its virus program works.  
  
In another room at the Katsuragi apartment, Shinji lies on his bed listening to his SDAT, a large grin on his face. In his trashcan appear to be the torn remains of receipts for food items and several air-tight vitals, each with a bio-warning label on them.  
  
**End**  
  
Author's rants: I know, I know. It's too short, but I just had to get this out of my system. I mean, who ever edited Eva for Toonami screwed it up royally. I know that Eva fans will agree with me that Misato without her Yebisu beer is totally, and utterly, WRONG. Misato need to have her beer! It's what makes Misato, um, well, Misato! And what person would want to cut out Pen-Pen? Pen-Pen is just as important as any of the other characters (and his introduction scene is just hilarious!). I know that I will probably get flamed for this, but I just had to write this and express the horror and sadness I felt when I read what was edited. This is one reason why I watch anime, in Japanese, with subtitles. Now, I think I'll cleanse myself of this evil and watch my Evangelion DVDs... 


End file.
